In English we have different ways of talking about our feelings- and we love a metaphor
My favourite
I feel as if I’m walking through treacle1
Helpful so far- I am able to tell people and connect to something in me.
And yet one of the simplest yet profound changes I’ve made is connecting to how I feel is to get curious about more than the description of how I feel. To feel my feelings- we know they come and go and connect deeper.
Next step, I make sure to move away from ‘pseudo feelings’.
The above example is somewhat helpful, but what if you were to say to your self.
I feel as if no one likes me.
or
I feel as though my boss is about to fire me.
The trouble with this is
this is thinking.
Why does it matter?
We can shift a lot just knowing this- because I can change my thoughts. Take this second example. If I shift from this to the observation
My boss has asked me to come and see him later today
I have no more information so this is neutral- I do not need to spend my lunch hour in a panic to the detriment of my health. It could be to give me a raise!
Of course, I may have more information- I was late to work five times this month and so might be feeling scared, anxious, terrified even.
And now I can take responsibility for how I am feeling and what check with myself- what need of mine is unmet? Security ? I’m worried about paying my mortgage?
I’m able to look after myself in this situation and have my attention on me. Not on the story I am telling myself. Still a challenge - but no one said life is easy. But notice I am not suggesting wallowing- curious about feelings then wahts is the need? More about Needs next week.
Try it next time you find yourself in pseudo feelings
I feel as if…
I feel like…
Helpful?
Please like and share so I can be helpful in more places and for more people
thick syrup, molasses